Mourning and burial

On Wednesday, around noon, I received word that the father of one of my coworkers had passed away. I shared the news with the other employees in my department and asked what we ought to do. The immediate answer was that we should go to the family's home, which was understandable to me, until they said we should go immediately after work. I was amazed that we would go so soon, just barely five hours after the death, but trusted my Rwandan coworkers' judgement, since they would of course understand cultural practices better than I would.

We left the office together around 5:00 and, three mini-buses later, we arrived at my coworker's home. In the front yard, there were approximately a dozen brightly-colored, plastic chairs. We walked in and exchanged handshakes, kisses and greetings with others who had gathered before taking seat in the yard. We sat there, making small talk, until, one at a time, members of the family came out to greet us. We stayed at the house for just an hour or an hour and a half.

Afterwards, as we returned to town, one of my coworkers explained to me the Rwandan customs of mourning. The official mourning period after a death lasts for eight days. During these days, the family of the person who has passed away passes their time outdoors with the spirit of their loved one. Visitors will come to the house throughout the eight days to give their condolences and visit with the family. It is for this reason that the plastic chairs were arranged in my coworker's yard. In the evenings, they will build a fire in the yard for warmth and light. At any time during the eight days, the body of the deceased can be buried.

The funeral and burial for my coworker's father was scheduled for today. I met several of my coworkers at 11:00 in the morning and together we went to the church where mass was to be held. When we arrived, the church was completely filled and several dozen people had already gathered outside on benches along the edge of the building and in the shade of a large tree. I took a seat on one of the benches as more people continued to arrive. I have no idea how many people were inside the church, but outside we were nearly a hundred. The entire service was conducted in Kinyarwanda, so I have very little idea what was said. It seemed though that the first portion of the service was a traditional mass, which was followed by a time when family members - the wife, children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters - stood to speak about the deceased. All in all, the service lasted three hours, during which those of us outside were constantly rearranging ourselves and our benches to stay as much out of the sun as possible.

After the service at the church, we all proceeded to the cemetery. There a tent was set up with chairs for the family next to the gravesite, and the rest of us gathered around. The service continued here, again in Kinyarwanda, with prayers and songs for almost another two hours. After the body had been lowered into the ground, we continued to a nearby restaurant/hotel, where we spoke to the family and were served bottles of Fanta and Coke. Finally, around 5:00 in the afternoon, I returned to my house.

Overall, the proceedings of the day weren't much different from those in the States; I was actually quite surprised by how similar the two are. Really the only unexpected thing in the day was the total amount of time consumed by the services, though, having spent half a year in Rwanda now, I shouldn't have even that surprised as everything here seems to last longer than I would expect.